Wednesday, December 17, 2008

one nation under gonzo.

How's about a rip-your-heart-out night?

I watched Prozac Nation. When it was over, the Muppets Christmas special was on.

I tried telling my roommate how much I can relate to characters like Lizzie. I tried explaining that it is not a struggle for me to feel things with such abandon that it's hard to convince myself of other feelings to be had. I prefaced my statement with, 'luckily, I can function without medication,' which is a true statement. A lucky and true statement. It's hard to explain things like that without sounding cliche. Without it sounding like I want my life to be a movie.. which anyone who knows me can say is true. I just find it easy to decide whether or not I can relate to a character in a movie because the characters are well-developed. What you see is what you get, and you usually get to see a lot. Real life gives people the ability to share what they want and hide the rest. Or try so hard to fit in that the truth doesn't really exist.

In reference to the Muppets. . . I've just caught a lot of shows that invoke memories of childhood lately. It's wearing on me a little because I want to go home. No. I want to morph to my parents' house and only see the people I want to see because I still don't feel like explaining my life to strangers who think they are my friends.

If my life was a movie, I wouldn't write those strangers into the script.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

yeah.. i used to be so quiet and unassuming and buried all emotions... now i feel like everything is magnified, and it makes people i know uncomfortable, more than i'd ever have expected. i'm not sure what is better but i can't imagine going back. but this is probably really trite compared to what you said.

i love the muppets take manhattan. if i could write the script of my life it would have a scene with a rat who was a waiter.

word: mengempe